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Woody Johnson
Woodrow Waylon "Woody" Johnson (voiced by Tom Kenny) – Woody is a 55-year-old ranger with a military background. He is the head ranger of Brickleberry Park. Woody is a fat, short-tempered, perverted, sexist, cruel and corrupt head ranger. He insults and abuses his own employees and other characters on a daily basis. Woody has mainly negative characteristics such as misogyny, committing crime often, being irritable to violent and acting erroneously. Biography Long before his military career, Woody was a porn star known as "Rex Erection". After having a successful career, and picking up drugs, Woody's asset was now useless. Woody was then relegated to non-sexual roles. After a bit of depression, Woody joined the army. Its not known what Woody did in the military, but it can be gathered that he conducted actions that can be considered war crimes. Currently Woody is a recovering post-traumatic ranger, with a military background. He worked his way up to head ranger over his thirty-year career at Brickleberry. Woody also took Malloy under his wing after the bear's family "disappeared." He always has the park’s best financial interest in mind and has little care to even hatred towards the physical essence of the park. These includes setting up electrical trees to avoid angry complaints by phone calls and starting a fire that will burn down the park then putting it out to get good reputation in "Race Off!". Woody is shown spoiling Malloy rotten and doing anything he can to please his selfish demands at the beginning of "Welcome to Brickleberry", the pilot episode. However, after this episode Woody and Malloy have become bitter rivals especially since Malloy threatens to kill, take advantage of, and/or bankrupt Woody in most episodes. It was also shown in a flashback 3 years ago in "Woody's Girl" that when Malloy was a baby, he very loved Woody and expressed his love for him through his first words and letter blocks. Malloy's testosterone have caused him to become tired of Woody's attitude as well as develop flippish behavior between those 3 years as according to "Saved By The Balls", where he was castrated under the expectation of a teeth cleaning. Malloy eventually gets revenge on Woody by having the doctor replace his testicles with Malloy's when Malloy is in recovery from gunshot wounds. Malloy can suddenly and instantly become more and more aggressive. Both Woody's mother is dead (as revealed in "Two Weeks Notice", but debunked in "That Brother's My Father") and his wife is dead (as revealed in "Squabbits"). Woody claims that his mom's death (without any explanation why his mom died at an early age) upset his perverted dad so much that he forced Woody into wearing panties and a bra, as well as perhaps to look even more feminine. Woody complains that forgiving his dad is illogical and his memories of being abused still haunt him in the show's present time. Woody's mom and Woody's ex-wife appeared in a flashback in "My Way or the Highway" during Woody's 8th birthday and she encouraged him to have sex with a female hooker (his wife) so that he doesn't become gay in the future. It is revealed in "Obamascare" that he is severely allergic to crab cakes. In That Brother's My Father" his mother shows up alive and well and marries Denzel. Appearance Woody is a big fat angry old man. He has short blonde hair styled into a combover and also a darker yellow big thick mustache. He has a white shirt with yellow buttons and a park ranger badge. There is also a Brickleberry badge with the park's logo on his sleeve. Woody is also very overweight. Personality Woody is a proud worker at Brickleberry park and he loves his job and everything about it. He has a very low tolerance for mistakes and screw ups with his workers which is exploited with his workers' extreme chaos that they constantly cause which ends up in everything getting destroyed. Woody will constantly unleash a blast of extreme rage and loss of sanity along with a stream of unnecessary profanities when he does this which just makes everything a living hell for him. and Woody's gentle tone can sometimes be misunderstood for weakness, and behind the intimidating mustache is a man who truly does care for his friends and co-workers. Unfortunately, money can sway his morals left and right faster than a grandfather clock. Woody frequently mentions that he is a war criminal, as in the episodes Crippleberry and Race Off! Regardless that he isn't morally fit to be a soldier, he is very devoted to the war cause of the United States since he is a former war veteran (as mentioned in many episodes). Religious and Political Views Woody is a right-wing conservative Christian. He often talks about Jesus and proves to be an Evangelical Protestant in "Miracle Lake" and is a critic of Catholicism (as revealed in "Woody's Girl"). He dislikes President Barack Obama (as revealed in "Woody's Girl" and "Obamascare"). Out of religious extremism, Woody considers global warming a hoax and believes the earth actually is only 2,015 years old. Woody is a Republican, he supported John McCain-Sarah Palin in 2008 (as seen in Obamascare) and he believes Jesus made oil specifically for Republicans. Criminal Record * Firearm Misconduct: '''Threatened to shoot Denzel for foul-mouthed language in "Two Weeks Notice", and later in the same episode he shot Steve by accident with a rifle. He also misuses firearms in "High Stakes" shooting them just for fun. * '''Intentional Fire Setting: '''He intentionally started a wildfire by ordering Denzel to create it in "Race Off!", and therefore Kirk Sanders was determined to find out the culprit (which was Woody). Ethel and Malloy knew it was obvious the culprit is Woody, although they don't rat him out, possibly because since Woody's their boss and they rely on him for income (Ethel) or food and shelter (Malloy). * '''Violation of Labor Laws: '''Refuses health insurance and minimum wage to his employees in "Hello Dottie" * He lied about giving a refund to a customer back on his credit card for a $10 camping fee. * '''Drugs: '''He did cocaine in "The Comeback", does it again in "Old Wounds" by making a snowman out of cocaine called Frosty the Blowman and mentions doing cocaine again in "Campin Ain't Easy" * '''Attempted Murder: '''He often tries to kill many characters throughout the series, even Steve in "Crippleberry" and "Global Warning" by throwing him out a building. * '''Slander: '''Made a sex tape video of Denzel screwing Governor Melcher in "My Way or the Highway" * '''Child Abuse: '''Strangled a young Filipino boy in "Write Em' Cowboy" * '''Dishonorable Military Conduct: '''During the time he served in the army as the "Red Skulls", he threw his own private Jack Abowski on top of a grenade in order to save himself. * '''Water Pollution / Mishandling of Radioactive Waste: '''Dumped radioactive waste into rivers in "Steve the Fearless Pilot" * '''Assaulting Law Enforcement: '''He slapped a police officer in the face in "High Stakes" * '''Stealing a Fire Truck: '''He does this while having fun with Mayor Todd Ford in "High Stakes" * '''Accepting Bribery and Prostitution: He accepted Steve's mom having sex with him in order to make Steve the Ranger of the Month every month in "Amber Alert", which counts as accepting bribery and accepting prostitution. * Hitman: He offered hitman services in "Amber Alert" ' ' * '''Sexual Harassment: '''Woody claims that in the past he went to jail for having sexually violated a girl with his extremely long penis in "Campin Ain't Easy", although it was not intentional yet it was his penis's fault, with Woody claiming his penis has a life of its' own wanting to rub against girls for sexual pleasure Category:Characters Category:Males Category:Park Rangers Category:Rapists Category:Main Characters Category:Antagonists